Self-compassion exercises for when you are running on empty

Self-compassion exercises are one of the most powerful and most overlooked tools in therapy.

For a lot of high-achieving women, the idea of being gentle with themselves feels uncomfortable at best, indulgent at worst. You’re more familiar with pushing harder. Setting higher standards. Having that relentless inner voice that keeps you on track.

But self compassion exercises are one of the most effective tools we have for reducing stress, quietening the inner critic, and breaking the cycle of burnout.

Why your inner critic isn’t actually helping you

That harsh voice, the one that says ‘pull yourself together’ or ‘what is wrong with you?’, feels motivating. But chronic self-criticism actually increases stress and makes it harder to function.

Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) helps explain why: the inner critic is usually trying to protect you, pushing you to perform so you won’t fail or be judged.

What self compassion is

Self-compassion is about responding to your own struggle the way you’d respond to someone you care about who was going through the same thing.

If your best friend told you she was exhausted, overwhelmed and barely holding it together, you wouldn’t say ‘well you should just cope better.’ You’d say ‘of course you’re struggling, look at everything you’re carrying.’ Self-compassion exercises are simply about learning to offer that same response to yourself.

Three self compassion exercises to try this week

These are small, practical and take under five minutes each:

• The compassionate reframe. When you notice harsh self-talk, ask yourself: ‘What would a kind, wise friend say to me right now?’ Write it down if that helps. Practise saying it out loud. It feels strange at first. That’s normal.
• The hand on heart pause. When you feel overwhelmed, place a hand on your chest, take a slow breath, and say quietly: ‘This is hard. I am doing my best.’ The physical gesture is important, it activates your soothing system in a way that words alone sometimes don’t.
• The daily good-enough check. At the end of the day, instead of reviewing what you didn’t finish, name three things you did, however small. Getting through a hard meeting counts. Making dinner counts. Turning up counts.

Remember progress over perfection

Like any skill, self compassion exercises take time and repetition to feel natural. The goal isn’t to feel blissfully content overnight. It’s to gradually loosen the grip of self-criticism enough that you can think more clearly, feel more settled, and stop running on fumes.

You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to justify needing support. You are allowed to be human, even when you’re also very capable and very busy.

My latest podcast episode covers this and much more, including practical tools from CBT, ACT and DBT for women who are done pretending everything is fine. The hidden stress in high-achieving women

For more on burnout, stress and self-compassion, visit my blog page