How to stop worrying about things you can’t control

Learning how to stop worrying about things you can’t control starts with one really useful distinction, and it changes everything.

One of the most common things people say when they’re struggling with worry is: “I know it’s irrational, but I just can’t stop worrying.” And if that’s you, the first thing to know is that you’re not irrational. Your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do. It just hasn’t had anyone show it a better way yet.

Two completely different types of worry

Not all worries are the same. Some worries are about things you can actually do something about:

• “I need to have that difficult conversation with my manager.”
• “I’m behind on something and need a plan.”

These are practical worries, and for these, the answer is taking a step, making a plan, doing something. Action is genuinely the cure.

But then there’s the other kind. The spiralling, circular kind:

• “What if my child struggles later in life?”
• “What if I get ill?”
• “What if I’ve made the wrong decision and it’s already too late?”

These are hypothetical worries, worries about things that are uncertain, in the future, or completely outside your control. And no amount of thinking will solve them, because there’s nothing to solve. There’s no action that would make the uncertainty go away.

Why your brain gets stuck

Your brain hates uncertainty. It would rather worry endlessly than sit with not knowing. So it keeps revisiting the same thought, looking for a resolution that isn’t there.

When you understand that this is what’s happening, that you’re not failing to solve a problem, you’re trying to solve something that can’t be solved, you can start to step out of the loop.

What you can do

For the unsolvable worries, the ones about things you genuinely can’t control, the goal isn’t to think your way to an answer. It’s to:

1. Recognise which type of worry it is. Ask: “Is there something I can actually do about this right now?” If yes, do it. If no, it’s a hypothetical.
2. Name it and let it pass. “This is a ‘what if’ thought. My brain is trying to create certainty that doesn’t exist yet.”
3. Come back to what you can influence, the next small step, the present moment, what actually matters to you right now.

Knowing how to stop worrying about things you can’t control doesn’t mean the worries disappear. It means you stop fighting them, and start directing your energy somewhere it can actually go.

I have a podcast episode on “How to stop worrying about things you can’t control.” Listen to the full episode or watch on my YouTube channel