Parental Alienation Explained: How To Rebuild Your Bond With A Child Who Rejects You

When a child rejects a parent after divorce or separation, understanding parental alienation is often the first step toward repairing that bond. In this episode of Don’t Get a Therapist Yet, Wendy Castelino sits down with Cathy Himlin to unpack why this happens and what a rejected parent can do to reconnect with their child.

About Cathy Himlin

Cathy Himlin is a marriage and family therapist, licensed professional clinical counsellor, author, speaker and consultant with 30 years of experience working with families in high conflict divorce and family law cases. Her work centres on helping parents whose children refuse to see them, or are scared to, and on repairing that relationship through a child-centered approach. Cathy is the author of The Rejected Parent, written for families who couldn’t attend her live parenting classes or afford one-to-one consulting.

What Is Parental Alienation, And Why Does It Happen?

Cathy opens the conversation by defining parental alienation and how it differs from a child simply feeling closer to one parent after a split. She’s clear that this dynamic isn’t always intentional. Some parents gatekeep or pass their own anxiety onto a child without meaning to, while others do it on purpose. Either way, the result for the child can look similar.

She goes through the reasons a child may reject a parent completely, from a disrupted routine after a custody schedule changes, to a controlling or aggressive parent who makes a child feel it’s safer to take a side. Cathy also covers a caretaking pattern, where a child clings to one parent out of worry for that parent’s wellbeing rather than fear.

Attachment, Validation And Rebuilding Trust

A large part of the conversation covers attachment theory and why emotional safety, not facts or argument, is where repair has to start. Cathy explains her use of Emotion Focused Family Therapy, why validating a child’s feelings comes before problem-solving, and why arguing with a child’s version of events tends to push them further away, since a child’s brain isn’t developmentally set up to process high conflict situations accurately.

Wendy and Cathy also talk through the early warning signs that a child may be heading toward full rejection, and how a parent’s reaction in that moment can open the door further or close it. Cathy shares specific, low-pressure ways a parent can stay present even when contact is limited: writing letters, keeping duplicates of gifts and messages, and using short, guilt-free phrases when a window of contact opens.

The conversation closes on reconciliation after estrangement, why children tend to reconnect in their early to mid-twenties as their independence and brain development catch up, and what child-centered family law could look like with better training across courts.

Why It’s Worth Listening To

This episode is for any parent currently facing rejection from their child, and for therapists, attorneys and family law professionals who want a clearer, more compassionate framework for parental alienation cases. Cathy’s approach is built on three decades of direct experience rather than theory alone, and she’s upfront about the nuance involved, including cases where parental alienation isn’t happening at all.

Timestamps

• 00:00 Introduction & Cathy Himlin
• 02:15 The Rejected Parent
• 06:03 What Is Parental Alienation?
• 09:30 Why Children Reject A Parent
• 15:27 Why Children Take Sides After Divorce
• 20:14 Attachment & The Parent-Child Bond
• 25:43 Emotional Validation & Rebuilding Trust
• 28:38 Early Warning Signs
• 31:35 Practical Ways To Rebuild Trust
• 39:46 Understanding A Child’s Narrative
• 46:43 Protecting Children From Co-Parenting Conflict
• 52:16 Reconciliation After Estrangement
• 57:49 Child-Centered Family Law
• 01:06:35 Final Thoughts

Connect With Cathy Himlin

Website: himlinconsulting.com
Book, The Rejected Parent: Buy on Amazon

For more videos on relationships, visit my YouTube channel and my Relationship Playlist or visit my Blog page