Internal Family Systems Therapy: Heal Trauma & Build Self-Compassion with Tammy Sollenberger

Internal Family Systems Therapy gives you a way to understand something most people never learn to name: why you react the way you do, even when it surprises you.

In this episode of Don’t Get a Therapist Yet, Wendy Castelino sits down with Tammy Sollenberger, a certified IFS therapist, consultant, and author of The One Inside, to break down how this approach works and why so many people are turning to it for trauma healing and emotional regulation.

What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?

At its core, Internal Family Systems Therapy is built on a simple idea: your mind isn’t one single voice. It’s made up of different parts, each carrying its own feelings, memories, and job to do. One part might push you to achieve. Another might shut down under stress. A third might jump in to protect you the second things feel unsafe. None of these parts are broken. They’re all trying to help, even when their methods work against you.

Tammy walks through the three main roles these parts play:

• Managers – the planners and organizers, working to keep your daily life on track and painful feelings out of view
• Firefighters – the parts that react fast when pain breaks through, reaching for distraction, numbing, or control to put out the fire
• Exiles – the younger, more vulnerable parts holding onto old hurt, often from childhood, that the rest of the system works hard to protect

The Role of Self-Energy in Healing

A central piece of Internal Family Systems Therapy is what practitioners call Self, the calm, curious, compassionate core underneath all your parts. Tammy explains how learning to lead from Self, rather than reacting from a triggered part, is where real change and lasting self-compassion take root.

IFS vs CBT: What Sets Internal Family Systems Therapy Apart

Wendy and Tammy also dig into how this approach compares to CBT. Where CBT tends to focus on reshaping thoughts and behavior patterns, IFS works by building a relationship with the parts driving those patterns in the first place. Tammy shares why this distinction matters for anyone dealing with anxiety, relationship struggles, or trauma that hasn’t responded to other approaches.

Getting Started With IFS

If you’re new to this work, Tammy offers a grounded starting point: therapy, books like her own The One Inside, and small daily practices that build your relationship with your own parts over time. You don’t need every answer on day one. You need a willingness to get curious about what’s happening inside you.

By the end of this conversation, you’ll have a clear, practical picture of how Internal Family Systems Therapy supports emotional healing, self-awareness, and a steadier sense of who you really are underneath the noise.

About Tammy Sollenberger

Tammy Sollenberger is a certified IFS therapist, consultant, author of The One Inside: Thirty Days to Your Authentic Self, and host of The One Inside podcast. Tammy’s website

Find more episodes on anxiety, therapy practices, trauma, stress and mindfulness on my YouTube channel