How to build confidence using therapy tools for low self-esteem and people pleasing

Using a mixture of therapy tools, you can learn how to build your confidence.

We’re talking about three of the most quietly painful struggles that so many people carry every single day, low confidence, low self-esteem and people pleasing, and we’re exploring all of it through a therapy-informed lens that is accessible, practical and completely free to use in your everyday life, whether you’re currently in therapy or not.

What this episode covers

Confidence is one of the most misunderstood concepts in personal development.

Most people believe it is something you either have or you don’t, that it belongs to loud, fearless, naturally assured people, and that if you haven’t felt it by now then perhaps you never will. But that is simply not true, and understanding how to build confidence starts with understanding what confidence actually is, not the absence of fear, but the willingness to act in spite of it.

In this episode of Don’t get a therapist yet, I explore the real roots of low confidence and low self-esteem, looking at how our earliest experiences, relationships, and environments shape the core beliefs we carry about ourselves and our worth. We look at why people pleasing so often begins as a survival response rather than a character flaw, and why it can feel almost impossible to stop even when you desperately want to.

Using six evidence-based therapeutic approaches, CBT, Compassion Focused Therapy, ACT, DBT, EMDR and Mindfulness, I walk through practical tools and exercises you can begin using today, including:

• How to interrupt the CBT thought cycle that keeps fear and avoidance in place
• How to use an evidence log to slowly rebuild your sense of self worth
• How to work with your inner critic using Compassion Focused Therapy
• How to use ACT to start living by your values rather than your anxiety
• How to set boundaries and manage the guilt that follows using DBT skills
• How journaling, voice notes and digital tools can support your progress between therapy sessions or simply in daily life

Who this episode is for

This conversation is for anyone who has ever felt like they have to earn their place, perform to be loved, or keep everyone around them comfortable at the cost of themselves. It is for people who are in therapy and want to deepen their understanding between sessions, for people who are considering therapy but haven’t taken that step yet, and for people who simply cannot access therapy right now due to cost, time or availability. Knowing how to build confidence from scratch should never be a privilege reserved for those who can afford a therapist, and this episode exists to make sure it isn’t.

If low self esteem, people pleasing or a lack of confidence has been quietly running your life for longer than you’d like to admit, this is your starting point and you can begin right now, exactly as you are, with everything you already have inside you. One small step still counts, and this episode will show you how to take it.

Watch the full episode now over on my YouTube channel

Why not download my eBook on self-esteem here